New beginnings

New beginnings

I got thinking the other day why do we really just hold it all in? Why do we bottle all our emotions up until one day we explode? I feel like sharing our souls, our hearts with people, letting them know our most vulnerable moments really just lets them know how human we really are. How we really aren't that different at all. The more we take a moment to interpret our deepest secrets the more we can connect with others.

Vulnerability is terrifying. The courage it takes to reveal your heart is one of the most daunting... and yet rewarding experiences in life.

It will set you Free. 

The more soul searching I do the more vulnerable I feel.  

I am Vulnerable.

I am the definition of Vulnerability.

But we all are. I believe that is what makes us our own unique selves. Open to what the world has to say. What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful. There's a word for it. 

...Authentic.

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I have endured, I have been broken, I have known hardship, I have lost myself. But here I stand, still moving forward, growing stronger each day. I will never forget the harsh lessons in my life. They made me stronger. 

You shouldn't try to stop everything from happening. Sometimes you're supposed to feel awkward. Sometimes you're supposed to be vulnerable in front of people. Sometimes its necessary because it's all apart of you getting to the next part of yourself. You cannot protect yourself from sadness without also protecting yourself from happiness but the greatest risk any of us will ever take is to be seen as we are. 

There is something so brave and enduring about letting the world really know who we are. Sharing parts of our souls is vulnerable.. but from that vulnerability will come strength. 

Embracing the uncertainty. 

Some of the most beautiful chapters in our lives won't have a title until much later.

This year I have learned so much but being able to fully open my heart and welcome what the future has in store for me has not been easy but it has taught me a lot including that old ways will not open new doors. That I have to take a chance at life and just let come what may. 

This next year I have so many goals that I want to achieve and I am overly joyed that I can start new.  New opportunities, new people, new dreams, new places. I am ready to get out of my comfort zone and try new things and learn more about the person I want to be. 

Here's to new beginnings! Closing the doors on 2016 and opening the doors of 2017.

The Ultimate Fall Movie Playlist

The Ultimate Fall Movie Playlist

The most wonderful season of the year is here. My favorite at least. As the days become shorter and you find yourself inside hiding from the crisp autumn air, snuggling in your favorite spot,  watching movies is always the perfect way to end the day. I for one love to watch a good film. Just the other day I for the first time watched American Beauty. It was an interesting film to say the least but at the same time there were so many parts that I felt myself being drawn into. Overall it was incredibly well written. I found myself thinking of all the films that I want to watch this season and the list I came up with is a good one. Each film reminding you why this season is the most beautiful. I do have to admit, watching some of them takes me back to my days living in New York. If I'm being honest New York plus New England have some of those most beautiful climate changes in the whole country. There is something so fascinating and yet intimate about being in a city that never sleeps to stop and see the changes of the season. And New England. Trees for miles and miles and miles.

With that being said having a good movie list is essentially vital. Be sure to have pumpkin spice anything on hand plus tea. You'll thank me later.

 

  1. Autumn in New York
  2. Dead Poets Society
  3. You've Got Mail
  4. Practical Magic
  5. Fantastic Mr. Fox
  6. St. Elmo's Fire
  7. Planes Trains & Automobiles
  8. When Harry Met Sally
  9. To Kill a Mocking Bird
  10. Time Travelers Wife
  11. Away We Go
  12. Rushmore
  13. Little Shop of Horrors
  14. Garden State
  15. The Worst Witch
  16. The Halloween Tree
  17. The Others
  18. Frankenstein
  19. Beetlejuice
  20. Hocus Pocus
  21. The Witches
  22. Lost in Transition
  23. Halloween Town
  24. Love Story
  25. It's The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown

 

And a few of spooky films because its a must.

 

Happy Autumnal Equinox

Autumn Tea + learning how to make your soul happy

Autumn Tea  

+ learning to make your soul happy

  1. Hot Apple Cider Tea 

  2. Pumpkin Spice

  3. Red Velvet Chocolate 

  4. Peppermint Chocolate

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These are my favorite teas to drink all year long but especially during Autumn.  They're delicious to drink with or without adding anything to them. My personal favorite is adding Amaretto creamer just a teaspoon to the red velvet chocolate or peppermint chocolate. The pumpkin spice is amazing with a hint of anise or eating it with a piece of caramel black licorice. And of course the apple cider adding a sprinkle of cinnamon or even teaspoon of caramel creamer. The possibilities are endless. 

And although I don't get to sit down and enjoy a cup of tea like I could pre-motherhood, sitting in my favorite spot with a good book and a journal to doodle or jot down a thought in a moments time is still one of my favorite things. 

I think when you become a mother you tend to put yourself last always. At least for myself if I cannot get all my chores done then sometimes I feel as though the things I want to do the most get put on the back shelf so to speak. When in reality at some point in the day we all really need to stop and just be one with the universe and take time to just live. To just enjoy each second. 

In a world where time never stops somehow

we must find the will to just make the time to make our souls happy 

I think humans are really just the robots of everyday life. When do we ever we stop? Do we just keep going and going and going until the fire within ourselves slowly turns into a small flicker of light then eventually burns out?

We need to force ourselves to slow down and enjoy life. One day we will look back and realize the little things were big things.

" The faster we live, the less emotion is left in the world. The slower we live, the deeper we feel the world around us. "

I think we owe it to ourselves to be able to indulge in all of life's mysterious and wonderous moments. Starting with doing the things we love the most. That is why I am making a list of all the things I want to do, things that make my soul happy. A simple list that I can go to pick a few things to do when I'm having a crazy moment something that will calm my soul.

  • painting
  • reading
  • writing
  • photography
  • running
  • yoga
  • listen to music
  • meditate
  • take a nature walk
  • unplug from the world
  • drink tea
  • pray
  • write a book
  • enjoy silence
  •  learn the act of not caring. Really it is freeing. 

The list is endless but this is my list. Life is too short to not treasure each minute because really whether it be good or bad each second we are alive its all a learning experience. Look for the good in all things. 

" She who is brave is free "

 

How 19 Mott Avenue came to be.

19 Mott Avenue

New London, CT

In the beginning... 

This is where the magic happened. Dreams were coming true. So many memories happened here. I miss New England so much. My first memory here was walking down the beach in Neptune Park looking at the lighthouse that was across the street from us. From the amazing wood siding to its colonial style feel it really was a dream. 

Living in the Connecticut Sound was a total dream. Honestly When I think about my time in New England this is what I think of except for everything being crimson, burnt orange and twenty shades of brown colored leaves.  When Skyler drove us onto the historical Mott Avenue I was beyond amazed. Living across from the beach where seasons existed was pretty much a dream come true. But walking into the house was even better. Little bits and pieces of everything I had ever imagined wanting for a home came together like puzzle and although this was not a permanent home it definitely felt like home for the moment. 

This was the first home Skyler and I lived in when we had first got married. I get chills just looking over and reminiscing over the past and just remembering how magical our time was there. I know Sky has a different story being that he associates New England with Navy and his time in New England wasn't like mine but there was a lot of great things about being here.  

These stairs we're incredible and actually the first thing I noticed about the house. You walk into the house and its this amazing spacious soul filled piece of history. The house was built in 1909 and was also down the street from the Lighthouse Inn which was popular with Hollywood stars in the 1940's for a weekend getaways. This house and neighborhood was an experience I will never forget with countless memories and some of the best days of my life I will never forget my time there. 

Here. Right here, Skyler and I promised our souls to be one. Right here we we're married. Here we eloped on Cold winter night. The windows open, listening to the ocean while the fire  flames danced behind us. We were married. I moved away from Salt Lake City to be married here in New London and began my journey with the most incredible man I had ever met. Although it was purely coincidence for me to live in New York City and he in Connecticut at the same time. I believe our lives we're meant to find each other in the most peculiar way. The first time I saw him was at a train station. The song playing at the time? First Train Home by Imogen Heap. Every little piece of our lives have meaning behind it. We were two introverts destined to find each other.  You know he saved me. He saved me from a life that I was not meant to be living. He took me away and filled my heart with adventure and experiences that I never knew to be possible. And he thinks he's the lucky one. One thing I know is this -- I know my mother though she isn't here in this world. I know she was in on it. In on bringing our lives together. I know she would have loved him. 

This kitchen. So many memories. Sky made our first dinner in here. I also burned a lot of dinners in here. My many attempts at being a wife. I should have told him I was expert in making cereal. It was in here I knew we would be eating a lot of pizza. Thankfully Foxs Den Pizza was literally around the corner tucked away in the neighborhood.

One of my favorite moments was sitting at this dinning room table making my oldest daughters baby blanket while Skyler was away on an underway. They had left and were gone a while. 

Nights that Skyler wasn't home I would sit outside with tea and just listen to the waves crash on the shore and that is how I fell asleep every night. Literal white noise constantly playing. In the morning it was the same. Every morning waking up on 19 Mott Avenue was a dream. Some days even now with three little children its still a dream. I married a dream giver. A wish granter. The love of my life. The one who would make my dreams reality. The one who never stopped believing in me even when I dont believe in myself. I can't even begin to tell you how much I love him. We have this certain silent but mutual understanding. He tells me he loves me with his eyes. It always amazes me how the universe came together for just one day to make it possible for us to meet. All it took was one kiss. And I was hooked. Actually if I'm being completely honest. It was the fact that he and I were both listening to Sufjan Stevens at the same time in our lives when we were freshly made friends. We have these moments in our lives when we didnt even know each other. When we were across the oceans from each other  both going through these life growing moments, going through similar situations in our lives so when we found each other we could have this unspoken understanding. Its little things like this that confirms to me that the universe was meant to bring us together no matter how far away we were from each other. No matter what it took it was meant to happen. And so it did. I sometimes have these moments that terrify the hell out of me but I think what if we had never met? I could never find anyone who understands me like you do.

 

I love you Skyler. Thanks for being the one.